Dear Friends,

Grace and Peace to you in the name of our risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Let’s talk about grief, shall we? People always say that death and taxes are the two things you can’t avoid in life. I would add grief to that list. Unless you’re a sociopath, you will know grief in this life.


You have all experienced grief. You all have lost someone who has meant a great deal to you. One unique thing about campus ministry that I did not expect, was that every year I usually have at least one student who loses a grandparent. And, that is usually the first significant person in their life who dies. After it happened a few years in a row, it dawned on me that I too lost a grandparent in college, and it was the first significant loss I experienced since losing a
grandparent at the age of 9. I’m willing to bet that the first significant loss most of you faced was the death of a grandparent as well.

Losing grandparents and their siblings is a sad time for all of us, and in some way it prepares us to begin pondering our own mortalities and the mortalities of those around us. Then, we begin to lose our aging parents and their siblings, and that is a different kind of grief than the one we knew before with our grandparents. It’s then that many realize that the weight of grief becomesdifferent with these losses and we will carry that weight in different ways.


Yet, there remains another category of grief, a type of loss not experienced by everyone; that is, when a loved one dies “before their time”. If you’re unfamiliar with “before their time” as a colloquialism, it means when someone dies at a younger age than expected. There is a sadness surrounding every death, but to lose a parent, sibling, spouse, or close friend while they still have decades ahead of them, from a life expectancy perspective, presents a differently
unique sadness and grief. Fortunately, not everyone has to experience these losses.

You’re probably wondering where I am going with all of this as I try to “land the plane” here. In times of death and loss, no matter what the circumstance or age, grief and sorrow look different for everybody, at different times, and at different places. And, no matter who you are, you’ve experienced grief in your own way, and you’ve walked alongside others as they have experienced grief their own way.


If you’re journeying alongside someone who is grieving right now, please remember that you don’t need to have the right words, and that you’re not going to be able to “fix” what they’re going through; you only need to be present in the way that they need you to be present. And, remember that in being present, you bring the presence of Christ with you.

I remember when my first wife died, I had a very kind student working for me at the campus ministry, and he was a little anxious about being around me when I came back to work. He didn’t want to do or say anything that would upset me. So, he nervously asked me if I had watched this week’s episode of one of our favorite TV shows at the time, “The Walking Dead”. I said that I had, and we conversed about it a little bit. He then got a little choked up as he said,
“I’m sorry Robert, I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, and I don’t know what to do or say. But, if talking about our favorite TV shows is helpful, I can do that.” And I said, “Buddy, it’s more helpful than you’ll ever know.”


Please remember, friends. When you show up for your friends and family, however they need you to show up, for whatever they’re going through, grief and beyond, your presence is more helpful than you’ll ever know.


Your Sibling in Christ,
Pastor Robert